Sorry for the delay in getting these uploaded but things have been hectic here these past few days. Preparations and plans and plots and pah, I'm exhausted just thinking about it all. Anyway, never mind me, here are the excerpts that Ava had marked. I won't presume to pass comment, I'll just let you reach your own conclusions;
"I didn’t even like Fox. Urgh. Of all the guys. At least I liked Lionel."
"Hound’s kid. Like fucking hell I was going to have the Fox hound’s kid."
"He was odd about it though, wanted to get a job to support ‘us.’ I hate that phrase, ‘us,’ sometimes. It makes it feel like someone's trying to speak for me. I hate that. Patronising and controlling."
"I remember the way his hair fell in his eyes when I told him I’d aborted the thing. Thing, it was going to be a kid. I wanted to be a Mother. I owed it to the kid though. A Mother who was part of a gang wouldn’t have been productive to it’s life. Would’ve been hooked on something before it’s fourth birthday if I kept it around the people I ran with."
"16 weeks was the deadline for deciding whether or not I could do it. I wanted to be a Mother so badly. Even at 15. I still do, not that it’s feasible now. Cynthia’s the closest thing I have to something to care about in that sense now. Big Sister capacity…"
Towards the end of the writings (I'm guessing it's about when Ava posted her tweet about someone else writing with her hand), there is a dialogue between Ava and Ardelia, which seems to end with Ava falling, as there is a line across the wall from the end of the last letter to near where Ava fell. I've done my best to mark in who was talking;
Ava: Oh god what am I doing? He’s sixty. He’s got a daughter. What the hell was I thinking? What if I meet someone else? What then? I love him now, but I’m 18. I’ve never met a monogamous 18-year-old before. It’d kill him. It’d hurt me. What would happen? I’d feel shackled by pity or duty. I’d start to resent him.
Ardelia: I already resent him.
Ava: No I don’t, what the hell.
Ardelia: I want to kill him, rip out his heart and carve my hate into his chest.
Ardelia: Why not? If you didn’t love him you’d consider him a serial killing monster. They deserve to die.
Ava: The body is a temple. I can’t kill someone again.
Ardelia: Cathedral of bone, now?
Ava: Shut up you aren’t me, I am me.
Ardelia: No, I am you also but pronouns are messy things and so are your morals.
Well, apart from that, I have nothing in particular to report at the moment. Thage and I will keep you updated as necessary.